burnout as mcmurdo station
this is a complainer post about burnout. call me a broken record. you will gain no value from reading this.1
i always enjoy reading vivid descriptions of far-off ways of living. consider this excerpt from a researcher describing their stints at mcmurdo station, antarctica:2
I would work 12 hour shifts in -40° temps, drilling and logging ice cores. I've had frostnip multiple times and nothing heals at those temps.
currently my burnout feels like it's never been given the chance to heal. always meetings or schoolwork or actual work all of which seem too important to drop. which is stupid because it just means that i do all of these things at 20% efficiency rather than stopping to rest.
i am a little tired at turning up the music so loud that it bludgeons my ears because loud noises feel better than my ambient headspace.3 i am a little tired at not being present with, and snappy towards, my friends, because the only thing i can focus on is the radioactive burning hole in my chest and the lack of energy in my body. i am a little tired that this is still something i am dealing with. and i am a little tired of feeling sorry for myself and making my friends worry about me
hey, future me? be smarter about this. take recovery and relaxation seriously, because these wounds take a long fucking time to heal. this is getting very old. you are better than this.
if you are looking for a useful post on similar topics, depression handbook, by mason wang is quite good↩
i recommend reading the whole thing if you have a second, it's quite engrossing↩
at the moment the music is jaded, by betcha↩